AMP 42 - Is She A Counterfeiter?

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She seems fantastic. She seems hot. The reality, however, is a different story. Is she too insecure to rely on her own natural beauty? Has she deceived herself and is ready to deceive Mansy? Is she putting on a show and Mansy loves the drama? Will Mansy ever see through the façade?

Is She A Counterfeiter? Can Mansy see the signs?

Why Sexual Double Standards Tell The Truth.

#UncleToddTuesday - blog 25

 

I had never met her before. That was the first sign. I was minding my own business when she approached. That was the second sign.  And when I was finally at her apartment and she asked me, at four in the morning, “How are you getting home?” I should have known, that when she had approached me, unprovoked, that I was only asking for trouble.

Confusing? Not really.

There’s a myth in America about sexual double standards. For example. If a man sleeps around, he’s just being a man. But if a woman sleeps around, she’s easy. The converse of this is true also. If a man sleeps around, he’s a manwhore. But if a woman sleeps around, she’s liberated, and has freedom of choice. It sounds ridiculous because it is ridiculous. Men and women can both be filthy and noble — sometimes within the same ten seconds — because they’re human. Equal opportunity skank.

The sexual double standard is in the eye of the beholder. And the phrase, “How are you getting home?” is no different. Yes, phrase. It is not a question. Why? It was a statement all along. Bear with me. After drinks at the first place, she suggested a place afterwards open much later. We went. When that place closed, she suggested drinks at her place. We went there also. When she asked, after some more drinks, how I was getting home, it became a moment of nostalgia — and truth. Nostalgia, because, as an ex-Mansy, I laughed to myself that in the old days I would not have seen what was going on. And truth, because the night was going to end like this all along. The double standard is that a man — a real man — would never send a woman off into the wee hours of the city, letting her figure out her way home. All cab companies have phone numbers. But a woman saying this to a man? Different story. Again; the eye of the beholder.

I was never concerned for my safety getting home. It was funny then and funny to me now. I joke often how I’m too old for the one-night stand. I am. And if something seems too good to be true, it is. But what young Mansy should take away from this story is that if she ever asks how you’re getting home, consider it a blessing that this double standard has absolute truth — that she isn’t worth your time.

—Uncle Todd

Why Do Some Americans Hate America?

#MassholeMonday - blog 25

 

Last week, I was out scouting for Mansy when I encountered a couple, both from the states, who had moved to Europe for work at different times. For the next hour and a half, I listened to the two of them dump all over the U.S. in glowing fashion. I asked them a few questions just to gauge their anger. How did you both meet? Through our company, they answered. You’re company is from the U.S.? They answered yes. Do both of you still work there? Yes. They put you both up in Europe and they pay you? Yes. Well, that doesn’t sound so bad. Or does it?

I realized then that I was dealing with two idiots. They were badmouthing the United States because it’s fashionable. It’s a way for people to ‘fit in’ because they’ve felt wronged in their lives, even though some of our countries policies are hard to swallow. But what people don’t understand is that it’s opinions that make our country great; that you have the right to have an opinion.

When our conversation went south and I realized I was talking to two rich brats that have had everything handed to them. I’m not saying Ra-Ra-Ra U.S.A.; I’m saying have some respect for what has been given to you. If it were taken away, what would you do then? That pompous Mansy and his wife would be the first in line to wear the U.S. flag.

We’ve all been given gifts in life, some better than others, and we’ve all taken advantage of them. Just remember that life can be a whole lot harder.

—Dave The Masshole

AMP 41 – What To REALLY Expect When Expecting – For Men

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You and your wife or girlfriend are planning to have a baby. Think it’s like TV or the movies? Think again. From the reality of trying to get pregnant, to the agendas and opinions of family and friends, baby registries, baby books, finding the right doctor, what happens when you get The Call, all the way to entering the unknown when you leave the hospital to begin a family – the reality of pregnancy for men is quite different. For men, it’s time to put up or shut up.

We interview a brand-new father – our very own Dave The Masshole – to learn from his real-life experiences on What To REALLY Expect When Expecting — For Men. Don’t be a MANSY. Take some notes and be prepared.

Why The One-Night Stand Entitles You To Nothing.

#UncleToddTuesday - blog 24

 

He stared into his beer. They all do. This isn’t a judgment. It’s life. The-man perennially-thinking-about-her. As always, I was minding my own business. As always, on my way home from work. But I recognize them. I understand them. They are the men on the way home from 7-Eleven before they stop selling alcohol at 2am. I’ve been this guy. The white plastic bag with a six-pack; maybe a po-boy sandwich. Thinking about her. But this time, it was different.

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If You Believe In Luck, Do You Have Low Self-Esteem?

#MassholeMonday - blog 24

 

In a moment’s notice, everything can change. You can go from being the best team with the best player, and one stupid move later, with a twisted knee, you’re just another team that ‘could have been.’

It’s the same in the lives of every common Mansy. We’re an army of men who think we’ve just missed our opportunities, one after the other.

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